Hello from the other side

Looking back to move forward, and moments on VHS

Hi, my friends!

Happy Summer!

Eeek, it’s been almost five weeks since my last newsletter! I guess I took a bit of an unplanned hiatus. It was the end of school for the girls, a new summer schedule, lots of dog training appointments for the new pup, a busy work season, and lots of travel. But I missed writing here tremendously. Writing every week makes me a happier person.

Things are going well on my end. Since my last post, I’ve traveled to Cabo with friends, hosted and produced several events with Whim, and now we’re finishing up a week in my favorite place: my mom’s house on the lake in New York. The kids spent our time here running around with Blue, fishing off the dock, baking bread with Nonnie, and playing late-night Wiffle ball with their cousins. I worked a bit while we were here, so my weekdays were filled with production plans and calls, but I made time for rituals like walks and post-dinner wine with my mom. Shaun and I snuck away for coffee, long walks, and dinner dates, and we got plenty of patio time with the family.

I’ve also been feeling extremely nostalgic while we’ve been here, which is rare for me. I’m usually someone who looks forward rather than back.

But this nostalgia has brought with it an overwhelming sense of gratitude. The kind that feels big and warm, like the sun.

I think it’s because last summer looked so different for me.

Shaun was going through treatment at Dana-Farber, our house was under construction, and the girls spent much of the summer away so they could have as normal of a season as possible. Shaun and I kept saying, “Next year, we’ll be back at the lake.”

Well... here we are.

One year later, we’re on the other side. A healthy husband, happy family, a new home, a d a dog who has completely taken over our lives. ;)

Looking back at this time last year filled me with gratitude for our family and for our resilience. I guess what I’m learning is this:

Looking back is sometimes exactly what helps us move forward.

On that note, I have to tell you about my favorite part of the week.

We hooked up ye olde VCR and watched home movies from the ‘90s.

Wow. What a trip.

We watched my dad in his prime, laughing, joking, and telling hunting and fishing stories to his buddies. He passed away in 2015, so seeing him exactly how I remember him was a gift.

We watched our house overflowing with people during family parties, my cousins and me running around the yard, my first dog Brandi proudly wearing a giant Christmas bow around her neck, my mom sporting her famous “Don’t Worry Be Happy” sweatshirt, my sister getting her first pet bird, Gilligan.

My girls watched in awe. They couldn’t believe how much their cousins now look exactly like their parents did then. They “cringed” at my on-camera antics and poor clothing choices. (they were right to cringe, for sure!)

But, what struck me most was how different those videos felt from the ones we take today.

Today’s iphone videos are 30-second highlight reels, curated into a “perfect” and sharable moment.

But these were hours of ordinary life, just happening. Random conversations, laughter, imperfect camera angles, people wandering in and out of rooms, kids playing in the background. It felt less like watching a video and more like sitting back down in those exact places and times. And those moments instantly felt vidid in my mind again.

On our last night at the lake, we invited our extended family over for pizza and turned the home movies into an event. We laughed over our terrible outfits, zits, questionable haircuts, and all the awkward phases. We celebrated the people we’ve lost and the videos into stories. We ended the night feeling so much love, appreciation, and gratitude.

Of course, after that, I had to see what the research says about nostalgia and happiness. Turns out, it’s positive and correlates directly with happiness.

Psychologists used to think nostalgia was something closer to homesickness, almost sad and wistful. But newer research shows that nostalgia is considered a deeply social, mostly positive emotion. When people revisit meaningful memories, the warmth almost always outweighs the sadness.

Even more interesting, a 2023 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that nostalgia makes us happier because it increases our feelings of gratitude. And we know gratitude can increase our happiness by xx percent.

That was exactly what I felt watching those old VCR tapes. It wasn’t just a memory but instead a full-body appreciation.

Researchers also talk about something called self-continuity, the idea that revisiting your past helps connect who you were, who you are today, and who you’re becoming.

Maybe that’s why looking back can actually help us move forward.

So I’ll end with this.

Have you looked back lately?

It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture like hooking up 30 year old VCR cables (however, I was proud of myself for that, lol). It can simply be checking in with yourself, ie:

• What was I worried about last year at this time, that has already happened? (and I lived to tell the tale!)

• What did I wish for then that that I have now?

• What did past me stress about that isn’t even on my mind now?

• How far have my partner and I come in the last few years?

Even better, make it social. Grab a few home movies, mementos, yearbooks, or photos and flip through them with someone you love. Trust me, the happiness is worth it.

And since nostalgia such a social and communal thing, maybe next week, I’ll write a bit more about how we can hone into nostalgia for more hospitable experiences. I’d love your thoughts on that!

Some of our VHS collection. The names “Family Tape 1998” say it all.

As usual, my not-so-guilty pleasures lately:

• I’m living in this summer dress from J.Crew Factory. I have it in black, and just ordered the red. It’s just an easy everyday dress, and I constantly get compliments on the cut.

• This was on my mom’s bathroom vanity (thanks to my sister) and I’ve been using it all week. I’m hooked. My skin feels great.

• I’m currently reading Firefly Lane - one of Kristin Hannah’s earlier books. It’s a little slow, but I can’t tell if it’s just me. I tend to read a bit less during the peak season, so I’m ok with it.

Good things ahead:

Back home tomorrow, and the kids are at grandma camp with their other cousins! A house with just Shaun and I! (and blue!)

What about you, what’s on your docket? I hope it’s something future you will remember fondly.

xo

Natalie